of those who excuse their peccadillos with "everyone is doing it" whether it is cheating on your taxes, sexual libertinism, gossip, what have you.

this is the story I had a major crush on this really hot girl shes not religious, neither am I we went out for a few dates and then she tells me shes seeing someone else and who is it? its this orthodox dude, with tzitzit and kippa, and kosher etc and hes sleeping over at her house every evening now bonking away now far be it from me to deny someone else some pleasure but hey, im not the one pretending to be religious here! is this moron a total hypocrit? Yeah for sure. And the funniest part of it all, is that he constantly puts her down, and tells her that she isnt religious enough for him this usually happens sometime after they screw which makes it even funnier what a hypocrit suppose it makes her an idiot too for putting up with it now i feel much better for not buying into the whole religious BS system and ive found myself a really great girl, whos even more beautiful and a much nicer person than the other one

It is not the outward clothes or rituals that create holiness but a repentant heart cleaned by the blood of the Lamb of G-d. Each additional man is a husband in the eyes of G-d. Rabbi Yeshua says: I know your sins, you are forgiven, go and sin no more.

do not prove the nonexistence of the genuine. It is your choice what path to take. You simply found justification for living the way you want. None of this will be an excuse...#1 is right.

the fact that some religious people have sex while not married does not mean that everyone should do it. we all have desires and challenges, and we all fail at times. however, the fact that some religious people do not follow halacha does not at all mean that the religious people are hypocritical. I do not think anyone is claiming to be perfect. I think that the goal is to try to be better, and not use others' failures to justify your own. Everyone makes their own choices.

you wanna wear the uniform then you respect all the rules that go with that uniform nobodys perfect and evryone slips up but when the behaviour is so wide spread (parodon the pun) and REPETITIVE, and not an isolated incident then its definitely.. .....hypocritical! they also judge other people who are not religious and say ''oh you really should or should not be doing X, Y or Z'' this is just me, but before someone tells me what to do or not do, work on yourself first practice what you preach and then you can preach otherwise shut up and dont be patronizing

Anyone can make excuses for themselves, but Abby, you must realise that although you dreamt of marrying your "frum" guy, you had given yourself the "external" without the "internal" It's no wonder you gave up. BTW - most people are NOT doing it - the ones who are, are either "fringe" or newly-religious who aren't quite there yet. good luck!

Earth to YNet: Israel is at war. Israel does not need more divisiveness. This girl is messed up, and she confuses fallible humans with a religion...which is sort of like saying some mathematicians are immoral, so mathematics must be immoral. Clearly, that line of thinking does not add up! Let's get back to the bitter reality that, like it or not, Israel is at war, and whatever we can do to pull together, we should do--which means no orthodox-bashing for now. Sorry.

Go for it Avigail - hypocrisy sucks, and if there's going to be any sucking it would be much better if it was another type...

Many people seek religion as a means to be part of a community that follows a set of doctrine we mostly identify with - in this case, the belief in G-d and the role of the Jewish People in His scheme is something we tie into if we are "Jewish", as a means to find meaning in an otherwise meaningless life. I think what Abigail is speaking of here is her disappointment that this halachic community finds it too easy to look down at its nose at others' foibles while being completely blind to its own, many of which are exactly the same. It's understandable that a community that believes a young girl with sleeves that are too short is "out of bounds", even though she's never slept with a boy, may push her to that extreme because she has nothing more to lose. Over the length of her sleeve!!! Over whether she's been caught roller skating!!! Over the color of her socks!!!! Is this rediculous, or not? Is there no sense of proportion? If the foibles are the same, one concludes, what is gained by being part of the observant Jewish community? Can a person who is religious enough to plan out where he'll be he next morning after he's had sex with someone he has no intention of being married to such that he'll have his tfillen ready, be "religious" in any normal sense of the word? The fact is, yes, in Judaism he may indeed still be religious, though he fails in this one area. The same way that a homosexual can put on tfillen, so can he. In the end, all stand before G-d to explain themselves, and he will as well, as will all of us. That's the difference between being "Jewish" and "G-ddish", and the fact that there is a difference is the tragedy. But even greater is the tragedy that people like Abigail and Akoonamatata won't, based on their experiences, ever be able to move beyond their perceptions that the religious community is not more likely to lead to a properly, meaningfully lead life than its opposite. What is all the sacrifice for if it leads to the same stuff, but out of the public eye? The prescription for healing this is personal, but then so is the decision to stay part of this community or to leave it. In the end, I think what some of the others have said is true - it depends on your agenda. If you are looking for a way out, you'll find it without a problem. It all depends on where you want to be with G-d, and what you think G-d wants from you, and whether you think that's in the context of the Jewish community, because when all is said and done, you won't find Him amongst the scorners, especially the hypocrits. G-d can be found inside our hearts, and it is there we can find answers to the conflict.

If one is able to find a partner to marry, an this is doen whilst young, then its fine to hold back hwoever, prolonged monasticism is not only a sin, but is psychologically damaging. repressing ones sexuality can lead to many evil consequences, and even rabbis are often molestng children and women

No religion is safe. How many priests molest young boys? How many haredim visit brothels? How many sheiks are rapists? What we read about on the news is only the tip of the iceberg. When will they get a clue?

Being religious is more than wearing the right costume and 'pretending' to be something you are not. It's a slow process and you must be patient and sincere. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. The shallow life will not make you happy. You are more than a cheap quick orgasm for a good looking stranger. Come back. Take it slow and immerse your life into a Torah lifestyle you would be more successful. You only lower yourself and devalue your individual importance to the Jewish people by giving yourself away like a cheap trick and you aren't even getting paid.

There is a big difference between weakness and hypocrisy. I don't excuse what I and my girlfriend do. I love her but she isn't religious yet and expects it as much as my libido desires it. I want to get married as quickly as possible so that I will be not be sinning. Each time we are together the angel on my shoulder tells me to treat her as if she were my sister but the devil on my other shoulder reminds me she isn't. We give every appearance in shul of being just another Modern Orthodox boyfriend and girlfriend, but when we're alone the pull of desire is too strong and overcomes my knowledge of the Halachos of Niddah. I can't rationalize it, I can't excuse it. But neither do I flaunt it. I am ashamed of it and keep it to myself.

hey #11 shes not bashing orthodox jews, shes bashing people who pretend to be orthodox jews bringing tefillin on their dates. rowr.

how ironic that the google ads surrounding your article on ynetnews are for mini skirts.

First of all, I totally don't agree with this article. One thing does bother me a lot-Abigail writes that she "quickly began gaining weight as another barrier beneath my modest tent-like clothes". Now she gained weight because she didn't want to diet-there is no religios reason for someone to gain weight. And why she wore tent-like dressses? No reason. I don't, my friends don't and we are ultra-orthodox.

Hey, sheikh is not a religious figure. Sheikh is not Imam and our Imam are not saint, just human being who eats, sleeps and mary. Not Hypocrit. Before you talk,do some home work , Ignorant.

Otherwise you know what you are? A hypocrit! Why? Because if you did this once, twice, maybe three times Id say ok the poor guy struggling But you do it all the time! Hypocrit! Either act chiloni and finish it or act dati but you not even trying to act dati you repeating this behavior hundrerds of times over you just dressing dati for the percs and screw the internal development What a hypocrit, and what a loser

... so the rest of us will have to go somewhere else!

If you love her then just think about what you are teaching her about Judaism. You tell her she needs to be more religious and then you have sex with her. Actions speak louder than words. The best way to show your love is to seperate her from your bad influence and to introduce her to Rabbaim and Shiurim that will teach her love of Judaism and a desire to do Gds will. You are only confusing her and teaching her the same lesson Abigail learned. Stay away from her, point her in the right direction and work on yourself before dating anyone else. Something that helps me with my Yetzer Hara is a dvar torah I heard from Rabbi Francis in Chicago based on parshat Vayigash. Basically it is the 3-step defense on fighting the yetzer hara: 1) daven - that means you are starting to be tempted - stop and focus yourself into a verbalized tefillah for H"to help you fight your yetzer hara; 2) learn torah (by this i mean, your gf is looking attractive to you - stop what you are doing and learn a page of gemora) 3) say shmá (there is no limit to the number of times you can say shma in a day - even with shem hashem. In this situation the best solution is to break up. you are no good for her. barring that, be viligent about yichud - leaving the door unlocked does not count!! a "yichud park" where no one is around does not count! Good luck!

Ars, you are a jerk! I never said I do this ALL the time. You say I should become chiloni because I have one weakness, for one transgression? That is absurd!! That is like saying that because someone eats treif he should become a thief. He's transgressing kosher laws, why not violate laws against robbery? Yes, to an extent I am a hypocrite in that I believe I should not be having sex with my girlfriend (who doesn't want my proposal as soon as I do) but if you were in my shoes you wouldn't be able to resist her either. She is becoming more religious all the time and has promised that she will go to the mikvah after we are married. But she doesn't go there now since that will reveal to the attendant that we are indeed going beyond the bounds. Why should I reveal something so private? Why should I tell everyone of my private transgressions? Even if they suspect it at least they have the decency not to say anything.

i disagree with sheikh. i think you need to be a good person, donate your money to the poor, to the fatherless children

I agree with her The jewish world judges you by what you wear not what you good or bad And if I ask the people that say Gehinnom is full... I stand before G-d and get judged not some close mined Heradi fool that thinks I will burn in hell. Lets not judge other people until we stand in there shoes We are told that the next world will be the opposite to what we think it may be that some of those judging fools may find themselves in hell for looking for the bad in people. may G-d look after us all and especialy those in harms way Arie

i love it when another frustrated orthodox lady comes along and decides to "expose" the contradictions and problems within the orthodox community. you must feel you are doing the world a great favor, something truly groundbreaking, dont you? but the truth is - you are only making ALL religious people look bad with trite articles such as this. you see, people tend to generalize and sometimes even wrongly label judaism itself because of this. why dont you redirect your feminist aspirations towards something less damaging? shabat shalom

1. The existence of hypocrites in a system does not automatically mean the system is wrong. It means that its members are human. No one ever claimed that being shomer negiah is easy! 2. No where in the article did I read that the author is happy with her decision.