I'm trying to hold back the tears after watching the video showing the tunnel where Almog, Ori, Hersh, Alex, Eden and Carmel were murdered. I think about how they did everything to survive. They lived there under inhumane conditions, just waiting for us to save them.
They were just waiting for the warm embrace from their families, waiting to breathe fresh air and feel safe at home. And in the end, they were murdered in cold blood.
And immediately, my thoughts go to you, Liri. Are you also being held in these conditions? Have you seen daylight and breathed fresh air recently? I imagine you sitting in a tunnel in the dark, just waiting for us to rescue you. I picture you scared but functioning, doing everything to survive. Clinging to the people I hope are still with you, and together you're giving one another strength.
I'm angry at myself every morning when I wake up: Angry that I get to wake up to sunlight, breathe fresh air, get a hug from Mom and Dad and walk freely. Such basic things that have been taken from you.
On the third day of the war, I found your notebook. "Everything is only phases that will pass, and in the end, everything will work out for the best. I'm trying to stay positive, optimistic and strong," you wrote.
And maybe when you wrote that, you knew deep inside that one day I would need to hold on to your words. As if you left me a guide for how to act during these hellish days. I admit, Liri, I'm breaking down. I'm trying to understand how I'm supposed to stay optimistic. How will everything work out for the best in the end?
Shai ElbagPhoto: Avigail UziThe past weeks have shaken everything I believed in, knowing that I have to say that you're coming home and add the words – alive from now on. Because even that can change in an instant. Every night before I go to sleep, I talk to you and ask for your forgiveness – forgive me that another day has ended and we still haven’t been able to bring you home.
We haven’t stopped fighting for you and we never will. Liri, I love you.
- Shai Elbag is the sister of hostage Liri Elbag who’s been held by Hamas in Gaza since October 7.