When I uploaded a video of me dancing on social media, I didn't expect hundreds of comments calling me a "junky," "pathetic" and "miserable". My skin is thick enough, but for others it may pose a real danger.
Last week I've had some fun on TikTok. I wanted to experiment on the popular, video-focused social network, which is new to me, and to see what kind of content gathers traction.
Judy Shalom Nir-Mozes on TikTok
So, I filmed myself dancing to a musical soundbite popular among TikTok users, and uploaded it to the app. I pretty much forgot all about it since I spend most of my social media time on Instagram – an app I'm familiar with and adore.
But on Friday afternoon I met a guy at the supermarket and he approached me with excitement, saying: "Wow Judy, way to dance on TikTok!" I was surprised that this short clip I barely remembered reached a few thousand viewers – even thought I'm new there and lack followers. So I went on TikTok to see the responses (famous last words).
After reading the first one hundred comments, I tried to recall what horrible crimes against humanity I had committed to deserve such feedback. From the "sweetheart" who told me he "threw up in his mouth" while watching the video to another charming commenter who said I looked "like a central station junky".
And there were also more subtle insults, asking, "why do you need this stupidity when you look good for your age and have a successful radio show?" But the only crime I recall committing is standing by my life principle of doing whatever makes me happy as long as it doesn't hurt others. So yes, I'm 63 and proud of it. I feel younger than ever, I'm active – and god forbid – I even like to dance.
As another principle, I only take to heart the opinion of my kids and my spouse. I'm not afraid of critiquing any matter (rather than people), or attack the powerful. But I'll never attack them for being fat, bold or old. Is is a crime for people, whatever their age, weight, height or color, having harmless fun? Do you lose your playfulness license at a certain age? And why do you seem to care so much, and take the time to spew this venom?
My mother taught me not to judge other people. As a Holocaust survivor she preached to us to try to get the most out of life without paying attention to what they say, as long as we do not harm others. That is why I was happy to participate last week in the "Think Well" campaign initiated by President Isaac Herzog to change the cyber bullying discourse on the Internet. The goal was to remind you -the commentators on social media - to think for a moment before you click "send".
Remember that behind the videos, posts and articles, there are actual people some of whom take your reactions to heart. I personally am not offended by anything - no swearing, no mockery and no mention of my "extreme" age - but there are those whose skin is less thick.
In my case, however, I have no problem being criticized for my non-existing dancing skills. Even when I express a political or public position that does not suit you, I am happy for a matter-of-fact confrontation - one that does not deteriorate into insults and curses.
Remember that this blatant discourse can hurt as much as physical violence. Sometimes, even more. So if you don't wish to bring up your children in a violent society - resist using the keyboard for hate. And if you do not have a concrete critique to express about something - annoying as it may be to you – ask yourself what's the motivation to hurt people by attacking their appearance, or unchangeable traits?
I, by the way, will continue to dance and post videos even if I'm not the next Jennifer Lopez. And to those who have had this experience, I implore you not to let any haters rob you of your joy and passion for life.
Judy Shalom Nir-Mozes is an Israeli journalist, investor and talk show host - and the ex-wife of former Israeli Vice Prime Minister Silvan Shalom.