Malky Berkowitz, an Orthodox woman from New York, made headlines about six months ago when the women of her community went on a sex strike to try to free her from being an agunah, or chained wife. Though it is not clear if this method was the tipping point, Berkowitz last week was granted her gett, or Jewish religious divorce, and went free.
"It's such a great moment," Adina Sash, known on Instagram as “Flatbush Girl,” the Orthodox activist who fights for the liberation of such chained wives, told Ynet. "Malky was in prison for 57 months and on Tuesday, at 1 a.m., we managed to free her," she said. "This is a victory for all women."
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Adina Sash works to help Malky Berkowitz receive a get
(Photo: Courtesy of Adina Sash)
Berkowitz, 29, was born and raised in Kiryas Joel, about an hour northwest of New York City. This is a community where almost 40,000 people from the strictest stream of the ultra-Orthodox community live - one of the poorest places in the United States with a poverty rate four times greater than the national average. It is an “American shtetl,” as dubbed in the book written by Jewish professors David Myers and Naomi Stolzenberg. They described it not as a replica of an authentic Jewish town in Eastern Europe but as a very conservative American version where religious freedom and the sanctity of private property are paramount.
When Berkowitz was 22, she met for 10 minutes a man three years younger than her, about whom she knew nothing. "He has a documented history of very serious mental problems," Sash said, "and no one told Malky or prepared her. She didn't know she could say 'I don't want to marry him.' But I also feel sorry for the man; He, too, was a hostage of his family. They are like a mini-mafia."
Almost five years ago, Berkowitz broke down and asked for a divorce. Sash, a feminist activist who was born and lives in ultra-Orthodox Brooklyn, sponsored the aguna and met with dozens of rabbis. When nothing worked, Sash and other Orthodox activists were left with a doomsday weapon: the sex strike.
"In a reality where women are not listened to, the only way is to pressure the men to do something," Sash said about six months ago in an interview with Yediot Ahronoth. "They say change happens with pressure. We came up with this idea that we would give women an understanding and an option of a weapon that they could use to pressure their husbands because a lot of these women think that this is prohibited.
"First of all, yes, you have to go to the mikveh to have relations with your husband. But just because your mikveh night is Tuesday night, if you don't want to go Tuesday night and you feel unsafe with your husband or you feel like your husband is not taking you seriously about agunot then push it off a day or two.
“This teaches women that their body belongs to them and the decisions they make with their body, even if they're married, even if they're keeping family purity laws, it doesn't matter. Your body belongs to you.”
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Women in the community help in the effort to get Malky Berkowitz a Jewish divorce
(Photo: Courtesy of Adina Sash)
Sash said that at least 800 women began participating in the sex strike in the first weeks. "The concept is to give women encouragement, that we're not going to fix the agunot crisis by being a nice girl. You have to be mad, angry, screaming, yell, fight. That's the only way that the rabbis are going to listen,” she said.
According to Sash, the sex strike continued until Berkowitz got the divorce, but she doesn't know if that's what ultimately led to her release. "We had all kinds of strategies to try to find some crack," she says. "The whole goal was to lead to the 15 minutes it took in the end to convince the husband to release the hostage. We were able to find someone who the husband listened to and helped him believe that the release of Malky was his idea and that he was doing a mitzvah," she said.
Sash described Berkowitz's feelings upon receiving the gett. "She is both happy and turned off. You have to understand that usually agunot in the community are very active and manage their cases themselves, even though they are single mothers and victims of abuse. But Malky was not involved in her case. In general, she is shy and not built for it, so her fate was left in the hands of the men around her, until we intervened. Malky and her husband were separated since she asked for a divorce. Imagine the mental burden she had on her," according to Sash.
She hopes the fight on behalf of Berkowitz will help more women in the future. "To date, I have helped free more than 15 women who have been waiting for years, but Malky's case has taught me so much and this knowledge will help hundreds more imprisoned women," she said.