A friend of mine recently rang me up at around 1:30 AM. I don’t usually take calls at this time but she’s been a friend for quite a while now and I felt obliged to answer. While she wasn’t crying, there was melancholy in her tone. She told me her relationship with her boyfriend was over. She just couldn’t take it anymore.
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To be fair, I kind of knew it was coming. It was all but inevitable. The relationship, from its onset, seemed suspect. Sure, they’ve grown to love each other, but there was always a sense the scales were constantly tipping one way and not the other. Knowing her well enough, I could tell she wasn’t an easy woman to deal with, but he was definitely the controlling type. It began with really small things. Despite her always preferring the left side of the bed in previous relationships, he insisted it was his side and she submitted.
It went on with the kind of groceries they bought, the kind of dates they went on, the frequency she went out with her friends to unwind, the fact he “wasn’t comfortable” with her hanging out with male friends of hers, even if it wasn’t just the two of them.
She had convinced herself, temporarily at least, that it’s fine. What boyfriend wouldn’t worry about those things? After all, he’s the man. He needs to take charge of the relationship. He’s an “Alpha Male”, which she always thought was what she needed. Women don’t want to go out with a wuss, do they?
But as time went on, something about her mindset changed. She felt trapped. She had no say in almost any aspect of the relationship, so she rebelled, as it were. They had a huge fight and now it’s over. “Good for you,” I told her. At the same time, I whispered to myself: “I doubt she made it easy.”
And then I started thinking. During times of war, you’re practically prohibited from expressing any empathy toward the other side. Israelis who even think about feeling bad for Palestinian civilians, bombed to smithereens as they serve as human shields for Hamas terrorists, are labeled as “terrorist sympathizers”.
It’s understandable. External threats tend to evoke national or ethnic unity, just like all bees come together to attack any threat to their hive. It promotes a cohesive front that tends to be more effective when defending the “colony”.
On the flipside, it means the people become tunnel-visioned. They view reality from a narrow and nationalistic prism, which means much of the nuance goes out the window. Espouse national pride now, or be branded a traitor.
Geopolitical imbalance at play
And that quasi-patriotic sentiment means you’re barred from acknowledging an uncomfortable truth - From 1948 onwards, Israel has been in a state of relative supremacy over the Palestinian people. We have a more advanced and productive society. We have more tech, more industry, more agriculture, a significantly superior military force and more space to work with.
UN Secretary General, Antonio Guterres, was recently under fire for saying October 7 didn't happen in a vacuum. A less than artful statement, to say the least. Technically, though, he's not entirely wrong. Nothing in this life happens in a vacuum. All events (whether wonderful or dreadful) are linked, and wishing this link away or pretending it isn't there, does little to discredit this notion.
Israel effectively controls what goes in and out of Gaza through all entrances, including maritime ones, save for the Rafah crossing. Outside of some Palestinian day laborers, Israel has never allowed Gazans to come into Israeli territory. If they are spotted trying to get in, it’s a safe bet they’re about to be riddled with bullets. Or at least it was, until October 7 shattered our confidence in border effectiveness.
In the West Bank, Palestinian movement is highly regulated in areas where Jewish and Muslim communities live in close proximity. The IDF has ironclad control over checkpoints and movements between enclaves and neighborhoods, and allows Jewish settlers to move with almost no restrictions, while Palestinians are photographed and cataloged to a specific IDF registry so they’ll be easier to track.
It’s really not that hard to understand why outside observers are mortified to hear such details. One nation controlling over another ethnic group that resides within its territory? Restricting its movements? Putting people in a registry? Marking them like cattle? Yeah, it’s kind of humiliating. Just as it was for my friend who eventually rebelled against her boyfriend, even if this statement lacks a healthy amount of nuance.
I challenge any Israeli to go live as a Palestinian in the West Bank or Gaza for one month, and then come back and tell me he doesn’t see things a bit differently than he did before. The proverb that cautions against “criticizing a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes” exists for a reason.
When October 7 was unfolding, one of the audio recordings contained one of the terrorists yelling “they’re living in luxury while our people suffer” as he went on to kill more Israelis. He was gunned down by Israeli forces later on, and it’s a good thing he was. I hope he suffered until his last breath.
But that little snippet, if you listen closely, gives you a tiny window into the plight of other Palestinians who aren't involved with terrorism, but lead a hopeless life with little to no avenue of conducting a healthy and productive existence.
No vacuum here either, Antonio
The one caveat the UN Chief should have added to his statement, is this - Just because Israel is the controlling boyfriend in this analogy, does not automatically suggest there’s no merit for this control. Who says the girlfriend isn’t crazy? The fact of the matter is that throughout the decades, Palestinians have made it unbelievably difficult for Israelis to trust them. Shootings, stabbings, bombings, throwing rocks and killing families.
On October 7, they managed to pull off an attack that was nothing short of a Blitzkrieg, namely the free and unrestricted butchering of men, women, children and the elderly, all unfolding in no time. September 1st, 1939, is a date that immediately comes to mind. Is it any surprise the IDF later found plenty of Hitler references in the terrorists’ homes? Israel’s never-ending apprehension regarding what a Palestinian might do next, is grounded in spilled blood, rather than some fictional scenario.
But none of that detracts from a simple truth - Palestinians, whether inclined to commit acts of terror or not - firmly believe they are disadvantaged and that there’s a grave imbalance between themselves and the Israelis.
One is more than free to say it’s not true, or that they brought it on themselves by electing Hamas 16 years ago, or that they could have used foreign funds to build a life and instead fostered terrorism. These are perfectly legitimate arguments to make, but arguing that in no way invalidates the point - They believe the playing field is far from level.
And already, I can hear people screaming “No Palestinian wants a level playing field, all they want is to kill Jews.” I can understand why one would think that. This sentiment does, at least to some extent - make sense, but I stop myself just shy of saying this is the whole truth.
And that is why the Israeli offensive in Gaza, as justified as it is (and it is), only treats the symptom, not the disease. Even if every last Hamas operative takes a permanent dirt nap (Inshallah), all that would do is kick the can down the road. Yes, it could be a long road. Maybe even a decade or more.
But at some point, the root cause, which is the geopolitical imbalance between the two sides, will inevitably make the controlled “girlfriend” want to rebel, and it couldn’t possibly matter less if she’s right or wrong by anyone’s subjective measure. One day a new terrorist organization, whatever its name might be, will rise up and demand more Israeli blood as a twisted way of teaching its “subjugating tyrant” a lesson.
Is there a clear solution? Yes... and no.
Yes - In the sense that Israel has to look the imbalance in the eye, recognize its faults and have the willingness to meaningfully tackle it, so Palestinian lives are valued, and the Palestinians have to unequivocally recognize Israel’s right to peacefully exist and abandon and punish any and all acts of terrorism coming from their side of things.
No - In the sense there’s no leadership on either side willing to take the painful steps to make that happen. Both Netanyahu and Abbas are aging Paleo-nationalists, too invested in their decaying mindset to be the ones that break the magic cycle of endless violence.
As it stands, there are multiple NGOs of young Israelis and Palestinians working together to foster a sense of understanding, so the only hope is that somewhere down the road, a new generation of Israeli and Palestinian leaders rise up, and much like Menachem Begin and Anwar Sadat, are willing to put their careers, their political fortunes and (in the case of Sadat) their very lives on the line - to forever change the rotten paradigm that has an insufferable stranglehold on middle eastern affairs.