Israelis have to decide

Op-ed: Yair Lapid says Israelis have it both ways, but will soon have to decide who they are

Yair Lapid|Published: 03.05.11 , 14:58

We want to have it both ways.

We’re both good and bad, we love our country and hate it, we think we cannot go on like this but also know there is no other choice.

We pity the infiltrators from Sudan and because of the Holocaust we have a moral obligation to every five-year-old refugee with sad eyes, but we also think that of all the countries in this world it’s unclear why we – with a state that is 33 times smaller than Texas – are supposed to solve all the world’s problems.

We want someone to take decisions here, but we also want commissions of inquiry. We want to screw the wealthy, but also to be wealthy ourselves. We want our children to stand up when their teacher enters the class, because we must have discipline, but we also want to walk into the principal’s office and complain about that teacher, because we know better.

We want to have it both ways.

We want to be right, because the world is watching us and we look terrible, but we also want people to know that they shouldn’t mess with us, because we have no restraint and will kill three of theirs for every one of our own, at least. We also want our son to go to the most elite combat unit, but also to the army’s best technological unit (so that at least he’ll gain something from it later.)

We want the IDF to be the Middle East’s strongest army, but we also want to cut our defense budget. At the very least, we don’t want career officers to retire at 45 because social workers are also important, and they live under the poverty line. We take long showers, but are deeply concerned about the water shortage. Deep in our hearts we despise the Israelis who move to America, but we also say “you should have seen the house they have in Miami.”

We want peace, but we don’t understand why we are the ones who are always asked to make concessions. We know exactly how it will all end – any normal person realizes it will end up with two states, we live here and they live there – and we also know that the Shuafat refugee camp is not part of Jerusalem and never was. On the other hand, we know who we’re dealing with here, if we tell them now what we’re willing to give them they’ll want more, because this is how they are, just look at what happened after the disengagement.

We also say that after dealing with the Palestinians we’ll have to deal with Israel’s Arabs, because they don’t like us. Meanwhile, we don’t understand why nobody fixes the sewage system in Umm al-Fahm, but later we’re surprised they don’t like us.

We want to have it both ways.

We’re aggressive and speak out bluntly over any triviality, but we also send blankets to people we don’t know because of the fire. We understand the parents who yelled during the ceremony in memory of the Carmel blaze victims, but also think one should not behave like this in the prime minister’s presence.

We have the worst education system in the Western world, but we invented the disk on key. We watch reality TV shows en masse, but also go to the theater more than any other nation. And we also read books.

We are both Jewish and democratic, even though it’s unclear what this means. We thank God for choosing us from all nations, but we also remember that he disappeared once, when we most needed him. We feel that rabbis are good people who dedicated their lives to a moral mission, yet we are always stunned by the racist nonsense that comes out of their mouth.

We want Jewish tradition and Jewish heritage, because otherwise why are we here and not in Brooklyn – but we also want the haredim to join the army and work, because the haredim in Brooklyn work and that doesn’t make them less Jewish.

We think that the settlers are the salt of the earth, but also that they rub salt on our wounds. We are impressed by the fact that settler kids join the army and become officers, but we’re worried that they will all suddenly refuse orders. We know that all Israeli governments encouraged the settlers to live there, and that we must care for their wellbeing, but we also know that billions were poured there (and imagine all this money went to education.)

Because we want to have it both ways.

We believe that we need to help the Ethiopians integrate, but we also believe they are better off living within their own community. We only trust the High Court of Justice, but prefer that it interfere less. When we call the police we are upset that there’s no answer, but we also know that considering police salaries, what exactly did we expect? We think that there are way too many lawyers here and that every trial takes 10 years, but we’re also going to sue the hell out of our neighbor, because that bastard always blocks our driveway.

We are angry at Turkey and as far as we’re concerned it should go to hell, but we also want someone to quietly end this crisis, because we have a friend in Military Intelligence who explained to us how important Turkey is. We are scared that Europe is slowly turning Muslim, but we also say “they deserve it.” We don’t want America to tell us what to do, but we also understand that without America…actually, we don’t want to think what will happen here without America.

We want to love our country with all our hearts, believe in it and its future, and believe that we have the most amazing people in the world here. But we also feel that something very basic is being undermined here, that everything is destabilizing, and that we cannot go on like that.

We know that life is complex and that in a complex state like Israel, the most dangerous people are the ones who don’t want to have it both ways. These are the people who know everything, who have no hesitations, and who are sure they know who’s right (and usually it’s them.) However, we also know deep in our hearts that we cannot keep on having it both ways, and that soon we shall have to decide who we are.