Apply this witty obituary to our own reality here in Israel, and you'll see that our situation is not much better than that of Mrs. Noland.
She was faced with Trump and Clinton; we're faced with Netanyahu, Lieberman and Herzog. Democracy is just not working, not over there and not over here, or otherwise it is working in such a twisted, false way that it is no longer recognizable as "democracy."
Especially as we, unlike the deceased lady from Virginia, can't turn to the eternal, Christian love of God. I don't know about other people, but whenever I see the sticker saying "We have no one to trust but our God in heaven" on the bumper of a car in front of me, I instinctively hit the brakes, fearing a collision.
Some of the things that happened during last week's political drama were legitimate and others were not. It's legitimate for the prime minister to want to broaden his government; it's legitimate that he seeks to bring the leading opposition party into the fold; it's legitimate for that party's leader to launch negotiations on the matter.
What is not legitimate is having these talks as if the two sides don't know each other. Herzog should have known that Netanyahu wouldn't change his policy on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. He can't: His party wouldn't let him; he doesn't want to; his lack of trust in a peace accord is deeply-rooted and real. At best, he'll agree to attend a regional summit so he could turn it into a stage for his own propaganda, as he did at the 1991 Madrid Conference.
Netanyahu knew Herzog would not be able to bring his entire faction into the government. In fact, he was counting on a division in the party. He did this trick to Ehud Barak in the past, and would've loved to repeat it with Herzog. But a division in Labor would've rendered meaningless all of the generous promises he made Herzog on ministers, deputy ministers and committee chairs. On this matter—not just on the Palestinian issue—the agreements were written on ice.
It's legitimate for Herzog's rivals in the Labor party to try to sabotage the negotiations. It's not legitimate to spread lies about the content of the talks, or release hysteric statements to the media, and the facts be damned.
It's legitimate to bring Yisrael Beytenu into the government. Lieberman, like Kahlon, is part of the Likud's own flesh and blood, the natural partner. It is not legitimate to go from fourth gear to reverse while driving, and then claim "we weren't driving in reverse at all - we're driving forward with Lieberman at the helm, towards peace."
Lieberman joining the government is entirely legitimate. But it's not legitimate for him to do so without explaining what is going on to his voters. How come Bibi, who was a "coward," a "liar" and a "national disaster," turned into a friend and a partner once more, almost overnight? More importantly, how is Lieberman going to bridge the gap between his unrestrained statements over the past few years about Arabs—in Israel and elsewhere in the region—and about military actions, with the responsibility he'll have as defense minister?
Lieberman's appointment to defense minister poses quite a conundrum. Not because of his Russian descent or his lack of experience—because of the things said about him during different legal battles and because of the things he said on security and defense. One of our colleagues must have spoken on behalf of many when he said the appointment causes a "little bit of aversion."
The trouble is that there is no such thing as "a little bit of aversion." You're either averse, or you're not.
It reminds me of an incident that happened while I was editing the weekly "Koteret Rashit" ("Main Headline") years ago. A young reporter was working on a story about the Rebbe of the Sanz-Klausenburg Hasidic dynasty. Among other things, she wrote that the rebbe was "injured in the Holocaust." The expression shocked me. There's no such thing as getting injured in the Holocaust, I told the reporter. Some words just don't go together.
It's legitimate, and even appropriate, for Ya'alon to take a time out from politics and recalculate his next move. Ben-Gurion had Sde Boker; Ya'alon has kibbutz Grofit. But he can't take the entire IDF along with him. The IDF needs to do its job, under the leadership of Lieberman and Netanyahu, despite the leadership of Lieberman and Netanyahu.
On Friday night I watched Channel 2's military analyst Roni Daniel, visibly hurt, speaking about his children who have been threatening, in light of recent events, to leave the country. I'm guessing he's not alone: There is such talk these days. But Daniel is no novelist or poet or social philosopher. If he doesn't know how to pass on his fiery patriotism to his children, that's his problem. Fight for what you believe in, he should tell them. Only cowards run away.