Entering a relationship with a man who is a father can be a complex journey, requiring understanding, maturity, flexibility and special considerations. Women who want to build a romantic connection with a man who has children must recognize the unique challenges that come with such relationships.
Tony Bismuth, 32, a divorced father of two and a risk management consultant, emphasizes that for a divorced dad, the children will always come first. “It’s something that happens naturally, and it has to be accepted. Single women often struggle to understand this, while divorced mothers with children find it easier because they experience the same thing,” Bismuth says.
Yuval Paz, 33, a divorced father of four and a software engineer, echoes this sentiment. “When entering a relationship with a dad, you're joining an already established dynamic where the kids will always be the priority. If something happens with them, I drop everything and go to them—even if it’s in the middle of a date or something more intimate,” he explains, drawing a parallel to being on call in the military.
Paz adds that this constant availability means, “I can never fully switch off my phone, even when we’re abroad or on a quiet date. It’s only for emergencies, but I always have to be reachable.”
Both Bismuth and Paz highlight the challenge of scheduling, especially early in a relationship. With custody agreements giving them two nights a week and every other weekend with their children, they refrain from dating on those nights.
'If something happens with them, I drop everything and go to them—even if it’s in the middle of a date or something more intimate'
"When I'm with my daughters, I'm fully with them—no dates, no meetups," Bismuth says. "That leaves three or four days a week to spend time together. I won’t introduce someone to my kids until the relationship is serious and stable, so things progress slowly at first.”
Paz adds, "I think there’s a real benefit to the slower pace of a relationship when you have kids. It’s healthier in many ways, though very different from dating when you’re single. When a relationship builds slowly, there’s more to look forward to. You don’t become that clingy couple who gets tired of each other too quickly. There’s something beautiful about longing for each other, in not being able to meet every day. That anticipation, that desire, is magical.”
'After time with my kids, I need to recharge'
Yehuda Berkovich, 39, an electronics engineer and communication systems developer at Intel, is a divorced father of three teenagers. He explains that balancing time with his kids and personal time can be a challenge. "It’s not just about time spent with the kids, but also making space for myself," he says. "Sometimes after a couple of days with the kids, I need time to recharge."
'With good communication, I can explain that I’m exhausted, and if she wants to come over and just be by my side, that’s great—but it won’t be a fun date night'
Berkovich describes the strain of juggling parenting and work, saying, "It doesn’t mean I don’t want to see the person I’m dating. But if I’ve just had two days of waking up early, making sandwiches, driving to school, cleaning, working until the evening, and cooking meals, I might not have the energy to drive 40-50 minutes to meet up. I’m exhausted."
He stresses that his need for personal time isn’t a reflection on the relationship. "It’s important she understands it’s not about her, it’s about me needing to recharge so I don’t show up drained and worn out. With good communication, I can explain that I’m exhausted, and if she wants to come over and just be by my side, that’s great—but it won’t be a fun date night. I’d like her to see that it’s not rejection, and that I do want to be with her. My life is just very intense, and to be fully present in the relationship, I need time to recharge."
'This isn’t just an ex, this is the mother of my kids'
A key issue to consider when entering a relationship with a father is his relationship with the mother of his children. While the romantic relationship may have ended, many divorced couples maintain a co-parenting partnership for the benefit of their kids.
"You have to understand that even after divorce, the mother is always part of the picture," says Bismuth. "For the sake of the children, it's essential to keep good relations with their mother. My ex lives just a two-minute drive away, which is great for the kids. But when I was dating a single woman, she saw that my ex messaged me about something related to our parenting, and the conversation went on for a while. She didn’t like it. I had to explain—this isn’t just an ex, this is the mother of my kids. We need to communicate about them, and that can be hard for some people to accept."
Paz agrees. "A lot of the women I’ve dated struggled to understand that while I’m divorced, I still have a relationship with my ex-wife. This relationship exists and will continue because she’s the mother of my children. Some women find that difficult."
When asked about the nature of his relationship with his ex-wife, Paz explains, "For example, if she has a problem, like a broken washing machine, and asks for help, I’ll go and help. If she’s going through something, I’ll sit and talk with her. If she needs help moving, I’ll be there. Anything that affects her can directly affect my kids, so this relationship will exist at least until they’re grown. It’s about setting clear expectations, and I lay it all out from the beginning."
'When I was dating a single woman, she saw that my ex messaged me about something related to our parenting, and the conversation went on for a while. She didn’t like it. I had to explain—this isn’t just an ex, this is the mother of my kids'
Paz acknowledges that jealousy or insecurity often arises in these situations. "Some women worry that if I’m maintaining a relationship with my ex, maybe I’ll go back to her one day. There’s also a lack of understanding about the nature of the relationship. If a woman told me she was spending time with her ex without kids involved, I’d find that strange. But if a divorced woman says she needs to see her ex because of their kids, it makes sense."
Maintaining a family dynamic post-divorce is crucial, he adds. "Sometimes we’ll celebrate holidays together, because while we’re not a couple anymore, we’re still a family. It’s important for the kids to see that both parents can be in the same space—talking, laughing and celebrating birthdays. When I’m in a serious relationship, my partner will be part of that family space, just as my ex’s partner will be included when she’s in a relationship. It’s a family space, and our partners are part of that family now."
Not a clean slate
Entering a relationship with a divorced father brings unique complexities, as divorce is one of life’s most stressful events. It impacts not only the man's personal, emotional and financial stability, but also his family dynamics.
"A divorced man doesn’t come with a clean slate," says Berkovich. "He’s likely still rebuilding his life after experiencing a significant upheaval. Emotionally, he’s lost his home—his safe space. Economically, he’s managing a complex financial situation, and he’s rebuilding a family structure with his children in a new form. All these commitments require immense resources and mental energy."
Berkovich explains that it’s important for potential partners to understand that men with children are still navigating these challenges. "You need to recognize that these responsibilities will affect the relationship," he adds.
Paz sees benefits in dating a father. "One advantage is that if a woman is looking for a long-term relationship and wants to start a family, she doesn’t have to wonder what kind of dad he’ll be—she can see it firsthand. Even in short-term relationships, fathers tend to have a more relaxed perspective on life because they’ve been through marriage and parenting. They’re less reactive and more balanced."
Berkovich adds that having children, especially young ones, can offer an opportunity for a partner to play a meaningful role in their lives. "For someone who wants to build a family, entering a relationship where young kids are involved can be rewarding. With older kids, it’s their decision how much they want to engage with their parent's new partner, but sometimes that person becomes a close figure in their lives."
Bismuth believes that being a dad has taught him valuable lessons that make him a better partner. "Being a father, especially to girls, teaches you to listen—not just to their words but to their needs and the nuances. I’ve learned to pay attention to small details, and that translates into relationships with partners as well. You become more attuned to their needs."
Bismuth also emphasizes the independence fatherhood has taught him. "There are days when I’m alone with my daughters, and I have to handle everything. I’ve learned to do things I never thought were my responsibility when I was married. Being a dad has also opened my heart to think about others constantly, the same way I think about my daughters. For example, when I go to the store and see something my partner likes, it’s automatic to buy it, just as I would for my daughters."
- Shulamit Shperber is a certified sex therapist and researcher