We decided to pose a question to men: How do you like to be hit on? From our conversations, a clear picture emerged – that we all want to move away from screens and return to real-life interactions. There is no substitute for the magic that happens when two people meet: eye contact, laughter, smiles, the tone of voice and gut feelings.
Women also have mentioned in previous interviews that they often want to approach a man they are interested in, but fear it might come off as too aggressive or unattractive. But here’s some good news: Most men enjoy being approached, and they would even appreciate it more often. So step away from the apps and start meeting men on the street, at the beach, at parties, in the gym, or even at the local grocery store. Here are some tips to help you approach them with confidence.
Manners and etiquette
It turns out that the best way to approach a man you find attractive is to make eye contact. Send a look and a smile to signal your interest, and then approach. “It’s good to check with a look and only then approach and start talking. Say whatever comes to your mind. It’s always nice to hear that I’m cute and that you want to talk to me,” says Idan Rom, 34, from Tel Aviv.
“If a woman is interested in approaching me on the street or at a bar, I would appreciate it starting with some form of courtesy,” says Linatan Zohar, 36, from Tel Aviv. “You can smile and politely ask for my attention. But when you do approach, introduce yourself and be sensitive to the situation, check if it’s a good time for me to talk.”
Why me?
Yes, men like compliments too. However, the men we spoke to claimed that compliments on their appearance are less effective, and they prefer to hear something more personal that makes them feel special. You might have better luck if you focus on complimenting their abilities.
“I sometimes work at a nightclub in the city, and during one of my shifts, a guest approached me,” Linatan recalls. “She smiled and flirted a bit, complimented how I treated the guests, and praised my professional conduct. She suggested I join her and her friends for dancing after my shift, and she was very charming and cute, so I felt comfortable.
"At the end of the shift, we danced a bit together, and when I went to the bar to buy a drink, she approached me away from her friends and asked if she could give me her number. She said she would love to meet again and was very impressed with how I handled my job. It’s nice to receive a compliment on your professional conduct. I liked that this is what intrigued her about me. It’s nice to hear a good word, not just 'you have a nice face'," he said.
“If a woman approaches me, I prefer she says something specific, explaining why she found me attractive. It helps me feel special and shows me that I stand out from the people around. It’s important for me to feel that she sees me for who I am, not just seeking to 'attack'."
"The assumption that because I’m a man, I will definitely go along when a woman approaches me, is simply not true. I need to feel comfortable with a woman just like she needs to feel comfortable with me."
“I was at a friend’s party recently; it was cool with a very relaxed and fun atmosphere,” recalls Dan Sverdlov, 27, from Emek Hefer. “A girl I didn’t know arrived, and we started talking. She gave me an authentic and beautiful smile and a compliment that really boosted my confidence. She said I was the coolest guy at the party, and it made me smile.
"It complimented me that she was into my personality and saw my character, it really did it for me. Be interested in the person’s character,” he recommends. “It sounds so simple, but it works the best in my opinion. It’s better to compliment someone on a trait you find cool about them than to say, ‘you’re handsome’. In my eyes, it has much more meaning. It’s more uplifting and fun."
Respecting personal space
“I don’t like it when a woman tries to approach me and invades my personal space in an unpleasant way,” says Dan. “It happened to me once that I was sitting with friends, and a woman sat too close, trying to hit on me, and even started touching me. I froze and felt very uncomfortable. Luckily, a friend noticed the situation and addressed her.
"We are men, and we’re essentially a bunch of baboons, but we are also sensitive and cute creatures, and it’s important for us to have our personal space respected, just like we need to respect yours. Just like sometimes we also like to take it slow, there’s no need to always rush. The assumption that because I’m a man, I will definitely go along when a woman approaches me, is simply not true. I need to feel comfortable with a woman just like she needs to feel comfortable with me."
“It happened to me that I was walking with friends on the street, and a woman I didn’t know approached me, touched me, and asked if I wanted to go to a club,” shares Idan Rom. “Even though I found her cute, I didn’t like it. I would have preferred if she checked with me first and got my approval with a look. When women approach me very directly and without prior preparation, it’s less pleasant."
"It happened to me that I was at a party, and a woman I barely knew, who was very drunk, approached me and started kissing me out of nowhere. I stopped her and told her it was inappropriate. There was no vibe between us before, and it was very unpleasant for me,” shares Dan.
The men we spoke to also mentioned the difficulty with the public nature of courtship. Sometimes they feel embarrassed when approached in public because it’s not something they are used to. “I don’t like being approached in front of everyone,” says Linatan. “If a woman approaches me in front of her friends or when I’m with my friends, it’s less pleasant for me. Try to respect that we are in a public place.
"I don’t want loud compliments or over-the-top enthusiasm. I prefer a woman to approach gently, humbly and sincerely, smile, and speak nicely. It’s hard for me when a woman tries to play a game of impressing me loudly in front of others. It’s very off-putting and embarrassing for me; it’s too much. Less can be more. Approach me gently, and I will respond gently, and if there’s a click, I’d be happy to go out.”
Conversational Ping-Pong
If you’ve mustered the courage to approach a guy you’re interested in, make sure you keep the conversation going and don’t leave the responsibility entirely on him. “I enjoy it the most when there’s a natural back-and-forth in the conversation,” says Dan. “When I can say something, and she doesn’t respond with just one word like ‘cool’, but instead, she takes what I said and adds something of her own. Make us feel that the conversation is mutual and that not all the work is on us. Don’t leave the conversation dry.”
Linatan strengthens his point and adds, “I always look for the other side to say what intrigued them about me. I’d be happy if a girl approached me and said, ‘You intrigue me, and I want to get to know you,’ and then also said what intrigued her about me. It can give a safe and positive feeling. If a girl has already approached me, then the next step is for her to follow through. If she wants to get to know me, she should offer her number or Instagram so that I don’t have to make the next move.”
Consistency and clarity
“If you’ve already given your phone number, or received mine, then I do expect some follow-up from you,” says Linatan. “Don’t send a message and then disappear. Don’t ghost. If you feel it’s no longer interesting or it’s not the right timing, it’s better to just say it. It’s best to be honest and say, ‘Listen, it was nice meeting you, but it’s not the right time for me.’ It’s important to reflect the truth and not leave things hanging.”
Sometimes, out of discomfort that comes with rejecting someone, we prefer to say nothing. It’s okay to change our minds, of course, but the other side deserves clarity. If you’ve started talking to someone and realized it’s not suitable, tell them in a respectful and pleasant manner," he adds.
Caution, objectification!
“Ten years ago, I was waiting tables at a restaurant, and there was a table of several women over 40,” Linatan recalls. “Throughout the evening, they made comments about how I looked – ‘What a hottie,’ ‘Waiting tables suits you,’ ‘You’re good at serving people,’ ‘It’s nice that you’re serving us.’ At first, the compliments were pleasant, and I felt good about myself, but the way they said it, laughing exaggeratedly and overtly, made me feel very uncomfortable. It was a bit disturbing.
"They allowed themselves to say whatever they wanted out loud, which put me in a very embarrassing position in front of other customers and the staff. At that moment, I felt that my personality and feelings, what I was experiencing in the situation, were not a factor at all. For them, they enjoyed throwing comments at me, mainly to amuse each other.”
There is a fine line where a compliment given at the wrong time or in an inappropriate manner can be more hurtful than flattering. Try to be sensitive to the situation. There are better ways to catch the attention of a guy you like than by making comments about his appearance.
Positive feedback is always valued
Let’s face it: when it comes to courtship, most of the work still falls on the man's shoulders. Society typically expects men to make the first move, and love stories that begin with women initiating are still rare. This conservatism is precisely why we want to encourage women to approach men openly but also to handle male advances with kindness.
"When I approach someone, I always try to be nice and sensitive to the situation," says Linatan. "I would appreciate some form of acknowledgment from the other side. Something like, 'It's nice that you approached,' or 'It's flattering that you approached.' Positive feedback on the attempt itself, even if she’s not interested, would be great. Keeping communication respectful and not dismissive is important because you never know who the person in front of you is.
"If someone approaches politely, it’s worth responding politely. Simply say, 'You seem nice, thank you for approaching, but I'm not interested.' It's better to receive the truth in a nice and pleasant manner than to be lied to with made-up stories. It’s not easy for us to approach women today because there's a great fear of coming off badly, and when we finally do it, respectful feedback would be nice."
"If I approach someone and she's interested, the most enjoyable scenario is when the conversation isn’t just about me," Dan clarifies. "If we both try to develop a conversation, ask questions, and show interest in each other, it’s much more engaging. There’s nothing worse than a one-sided conversation that goes nowhere. Let’s make it an interesting dialogue that benefits both of us.
"If I approach someone and she’s not interested, it won’t offend me at all if she honestly says, 'You’re cute and all, but I just want to be alone.' I’d appreciate the honesty and think highly of that girl."
"I'd love it if someone said, 'Wow, it’s so cool that you approached.' It shows she understands it’s hard and appreciates it. If she says it’s not right for her, I’d totally understand, but it would be nice to feel seen," says Idan.
"I'm all for women approaching men more," Dan concludes. "I think women are very sensitive and approach in a much nicer way than men do. Women, I'm rooting for you."